Sibling Rivalry - Lose the Fighting, Not the Love by Lori Radun, CEC

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Sibling Rivalry - Lose the Fighting, Not the Love
by Lori Radun, CEC

Are you tired of listening to your children bicker? Do you long for them to get along and love each other? Sibling rivalry can be exasperating, often interfering with our ability to enjoy our children. It may be helpful to know though that sibling rivalry has been going on forever. Some degree of fighting is perfectly normal. It exists in every family that has two or more children, so take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Some siblings get along fairly well, while others fight constantly.

Having awareness about what causes sibling rivalry can help you begin to understand this dynamic. When you can get to the root of an issue, it is easier to brainstorm solutions. Just like adults, children have their own personalities and temperaments and sometimes their differences clash. Age is another factor involved in sibling rivalry. An older child may feel burdened by more responsibility or a younger child may be caught up in trying to compete with his older sibling. In addition, differences in interests change as a child ages. What is fun for a 5 and 7 year old may be considered immature for a 10 year old. A child's sex can cause resentment as well. Let's face it. Boys and girls are treated differently. A boy could be jealous of how his sister's emotions are pampered. A girl could envy the time her brother spends wrestling with his father. A child's position in the family can also play a role in sibling rivalry. We often expect more from our first born children. By the time the 2nd and 3rd come along, the rules loosen somewhat. And sometimes the baby of the family receives very special treatment. Everyone tries to make her happy when she is mad or sad. At times the youngest will be overly assertive to gain her equal place in the family.

All of these issues can play a part, but the most significant factor that affects sibling rivalry is parental attitude. As parents, we know we should treat our children equally and fairly. And most of us probably try very hard to do that, however inconsistencies will still exist. There may be a child you get along better with because of your personalities. Perhaps one or more of your children are easier to handle so they have a tendency to receive more loving treatment from you. Children pick up on every bit of inconsistency and they don't always understand why things are different for each child. Older age children have more responsibilities, but more independence. A younger child just thinks it is unfair that she has to go to bed earlier than her older sibling. How many times do you hear the words,

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Posted on: 19,2006

Email: lori.radun@sbcglobal.net
Website: http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com