Importance of Family Rules in Developing Child Self Esteem by Lori Radun, CEC

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Importance of Family Rules in Developing Child Self Esteem
by Lori Radun, CEC

As a mom, we have two very important objectives to achieve with our children. One objective would be to provide a loving and peaceful family environment. Another would be to raise our children to be happy and productive adults. If you think about it, most moms would agree they want these things for their children.

When you think of all the factors that can prevent us from achieving these two objectives, it can seem quite overwhelming. We live in a fast paced world and finding time for everything can be a challenge. The more family members we have, the more complicated family dynamics become. And I think the most difficult factor we face is the external pressures and the outside influences of the world. It is not easy raising children in this day and age.

The good news is you can raise great kids if you are equipped with the right tools and information. The root focus of raising happy and responsible children is developing their self esteem. And to develop their self esteem, children need three things: attention, autonomy, and limits. Children need to know they are worthy of love and they need to be taken care of. They need to gradually develop so they function independently from their parents. And children need boundaries so they learn proper behavior and develop healthy self esteem.

To give children attention, you play with them on a regular basis, give them lots of hugs and kisses, and take care of their most basic needs. Children gain autonomy and limits by having structure in their lives. One very important part of your child's structure is the family rules. The family rules teach your children proper behavior, as well as the necessary skills and character traits they need to develop healthy self esteem and independence. Not only do rules give your children a sense of security, but they also provide order and peace for your family.

Kenneth Kaye, Ph.D., in his book Family Rules, provides a six step process for setting family rules:

1. Make a list of behavior problems or important concerns you are dealing with in your family.
2. For these problems or concerns, together as parents, create and write down the rules that will enforce the behavior that you want to see. Start with just a few rules in the beginning.
3. For each rule, think of and write down a logical or natural consequence for breaking the rule.
4. Formally present the rules to your children.
5. Follow through with consequences if they test the rules.
6. Amend the rules as necessary and amend or escalate the consequences as necessary.

One of the most interesting discoveries I made in Dr. Kaye's book was the difference between rules and preferences. Let me give you a few examples of each and then I will explain the difference. Examples of rules may be

Author's Biography:

Posted on: August 24,2006

Email: lori.radun@sbcglobal.net
Website: http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com